We’re back with another episode of Top Chef. Things are heating up (literally and figuratively) and personalities are starting to clash. The bonds that were once so tightly knit are starting to fray in the heat of the kitchen. (I’m going full cliché, deal with it.) Favorites are beginning to emerge from the pack, while others are starting to feel like they’re running out of runway. The editing has gone avant-garde, for some reason. Despite my best efforts, Justin is still here. Let’s jump into it.

Quick Fire

• Could you imagine growing up on a psychedelic milk farm? Feels like the premise of a horror game.
• They’re COMMITTED to elevating the gelato experience. COMMITTED!!!
• I still HATE the married couple. *retch*
• Please don’t call the other contestants “babe”. It’s making everyone uncomfortable. Now is not the time to try out your gay friends’ slang. This is not allyship; it is appropriation.
• Guys, he feels good about it. Time doesn’t matter because he feels GOOD about it.
• If there’s anything I’ve learned from watching 22 seasons of Top Chef, it’s that a lingering shot of the grill means there’s gonna be some drama later. Mark my words.
• Okay, I’m about to say something controversial. Yes, I still hate the couple. ~But~… Jennifer (the wife) is starting to grow on me a little bit? She seems cool. I KNOW I KNOW PLEASE PUT THE PITCHFORKS DOWN I’M SOR–
• Called it. That pork tenderloin is TOAST (pun abso-freaking-lutely intended)
• NO STOP IT WITH THE “my boo 😘” AUTOMATIC DISQUALIFICATION, CUE THE SNIPERS
• HE DJS?!?!?!?!?
• The pork was too thick =(
• RAW PORK-GATE 🚨🚨🚨
• “I plated up!” – God I love Nana so much, she’s a fighter and I will die for her. SHE BETTER MAKE IT FAR, DON’T LET ME DOWN NANA
• I don’t think I understand what a “garnish” is, because I thought it was a little inedible thing that sat on the side of the plate to make it prettier. But these people are calling entire components of the dish “garnish” and I am severely confused. Parsley is a garnish, not a custom made coffee-chili pickle that contains the highlight ingredient of your dish.
• “Oh, gelato in the sauce? 🤨” – When will these people learn to FOLLOW THE BRIEF!!!
• “Mostarda” sounds like a slur

Elimination Challenge

• I cannot believe they’re allowed to say “pucker butt” on national television. This has to be an oversight.
• No spice fam represent! Thank you Jassi, I see you. Except, you know, I’m almost offensively white so nobody questions it when I order -1 out of 5 spiciness. But regardless, it’s nice to see my spice-intolerance represented on a culinary show.
• I do like the concept of this challenge a lot, where each dish has to be spicier than the last. It really forces the competitors to work together at each step of the competition from menu creation to execution to plating to make sure each dish is spicier than the last. It’d be so incredibly easy for a dish to get way too spicy, and then you have to choose between having a dish out of order or to ramp up the rest of the dishes spiciness at the last second, risking getting too spicy or throwing the dish out of balance. There’s a lot to think about in this one and I don’t think the editing does it justice.
• Surprise twin appearance! I don’t blame him; I, too, combine them into a single person when they’re not on screen together. There’s simply nothing to differentiate them yet.
• This editing is so over the top lol I don’t hate it but it’s so out of left field for Top Chef. I can’t tell if they’re trying to court the TikTok generation with some loony edits, or if they’re just trying out a looser, less serious editing style for this season. I guess only time will tell which one they’re going for and if it works or not.
• Why is this episode so drug heavy??? First the psychedelic milk farm, and now pepper induced hallucinations! What’s next, a Quick Fire challenge with marijuana???
• What on earth is she crab soup?? Has feminism finally gone too far? It’s just a crab, why you gotta gender it? Did you ever think it could be they/them crab soup? Of course not. You only think of yourself.
• GROCERY PRICE-GATE 🚨🚨🚨
• Red team is totally going to run out of ingredients. They’re all kumbaya about sharing ingredients now but when they’re in the kitchen fighting over the last arugula they’re not going to be so Mother Theresa about it.
• Guest appearance by my husband when Justin was totally unbothered during grocery price-gate: “Sounds like somebody has kids”
• The music supervisor is really popping off this episode with that sick transition between classical and rock music. Emmy material.
• “Emulsion” is such a sexless word. You can’t say it without really deflating the entire room.
• Somebody just called “spicy boy Oscar” sexy and I want to vomit. What is wrong with these sickos?
• Chicken wings, Justin? This man is such a child.
• Motherly = bully? Lol
• RESPICE-GATE 🚨🚨🚨
• “I’m not going to re-season it again 😤” – How very motherly of her
• Tom Colicchio is immortal and you can’t change my mind about it.
• “I don’t sous vide often, but … I don’t want to just sear any fish.” – I’m calling it: this is going to be one of the most fucked up fish we’ve ever seen.
• I do not understand the critique where they call something “boring but delicious”. What are you going for here? Was it bad or was it good?
• Jassi is just so happy to be here and I love that for him lol
• Please stop saying “butt pucker” I’m begging you 😭😭😭
• Everyone is doing so well! I love to see it. It’s always a good episode when the judges have to nitpick between the top and the bottom because everyone did so well.
• Oh, I get it. This is just Top Chef Hot Ones.
• Did I call it or did I call it?! THE FISH IS NOT COOKED PROPERLY! STOP SABOTAGING YOURSELF NANA!!!
• “This is where you start sucking in the air” – Really? This episode is the Yucky Words Hall of Fame. They’re going to start describing dishes as moist.
• I don’t know how many more ways I can say this, but Justin is the worst.
• They just described Justin’s dish as “flabby” which I think describes his personality as well.
• Elimination prediction: Bye bye Jassi
• Although Nana has to stop fucking up because thin ice doesn’t even begin to describe what she’s skating on.

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